How stuff works: Cuts!
Question: Are clean cuts the only way out?
Question: How does the other way work?
Umm lemmme explain by means of simple scenarios...
You, A are a very likeable person and get asked out by one of your cute looking classmates B. You say yes and therefore A and B now become girlfriend and boyfriend. Ah so you romance, go out together, spend time , care about each other, get to know each other better, really love being around each other, and really 'like' each other. But you don't know whether you 'love' B, the I-can't-spend-my-life-without-you; I-wanna-grow-old-with-you kinda love. Same for B.
What do you do? Wait for 'love' to eventually happen? Quit thinking about it even if you know that a break up in the future would really hurt? Or decide to call it quits after you realize that it isn't moving further and has remote potential?
Now by clean cuts I mean the eternal debate about 'Can you be friends with your ex?' and 'How do you grow out of a relationship?'
Clean cut would essentially mean no contact, no friendship, 'since-I-can't-love-you-or-have-you-in-my-life-like-that-I'd-much-rather-not-have-you-in-my-life-at-all kinda break up.
I really need to have this answered, are clean cuts the best way to cope up, nurse a broken heart and move on? Does it get incredibly hard if you still have to be in touch with the other person at the risk of driving yourself crazy when all the memories/emotions come flooding back?
Lets just explore the other side a bit too...
This was when you unfortunately didn't progress from 'really like' to 'love' but what if you actually do fall in love, only now its a tough situation coz the other person happens to be a great friend, but one who is not in love with you?
How can you possibly execute a 'clean cut' in this case, coz it is bound to take away your friend forever? How can you be willing to let go of your friend? And if you decide to stick around, how do you demote the love of your life to a 'good' friend's position?
Back to both my original questions, I'd love for all of you to try and answer.
PS: I'm back, and for good. Reading all of you might take a bit but I'm on it.
Thanks for waiting!
Comments
i wish i could answer them for you !
but then i know i really don't know!
I cud relate to dem... but answerin dem... i dunno !
hmmm... hmm.. lemme think sm more ;)
nd all of us confront such a thng sumday or d othr bt unfortunately we fail to answer d questions u put to us or may we dont want to answer...
complexities never go well wth simplicities...
follow your heart, when you get lost, use your mind to find your way back.
not sure if that answer the question so i guess it's really up to you, all i can give is a wish of goodluck! ;)
ummm...i know they're really tough but you enlighten me if u any experience to share as well...
sure sure socho... but come back and answer if u find something...
also if uve been on either side, do share ur experience
hmmm lets see what everyone else has to say...
hey thanks for dropping by here and ure right abt maybe not wanting to answer... these are tough questions sure and the fact that we ask ourselves quite often does not guarantee that we know the answer...
but someone wud know... hopefully
if uve been there atleast share the experience urv.... that might help...
welcome to my space iriz :)
love sure can be a dilemna... and i quite liked "follow your heart, when you get lost, use your mind to find your way back." only i dunno how many of us listen to our minds when we're busy following our heart....
sure think abt it and get back to me...
if love doesnt work out, i d go for 0 contact policy at any cost:)
simple??aint it?
welcome back.
could totally relate to the post! great!
thanks for the welcome dearie :)
hmm the clean cut thing seems to be the mantra for a lot of ppl i guess...
politically correct answer! but i wud have wanted something more specific
hmm yeah done that then what?
PS: love that i have company in my policy :P
oh u have?
i hate to admit that the survey is not goin as i had wanted it to :(
clean cuts are popular :( and no one is helping me with the other side...
never mind thanks for ur answer Mav...
i smiled my widest when i re read this now :)
Thank u so much sachin.
anyways, its not likely that no talk may lead u to move on, we all move on anyhow be it in tch or not...
we never know..
Well, this is extremely difficult situation... depends strictly on individuals...not even on those two because what if one of the two wants to keep in touch & the other one wants a total cut-off ? I think my current poem shows a similar feeling.
In my opinion, in both the cases, if they can, remaining friends would be a better choice, for, they have shared so many things together that it is bound to hit them when a similar situation arises. But then 2nd situation is very tricky... has to be dealt with more heart.
See, I don't comment everytime but when I comment, it goes on like a post. :-)
Keep smiling & keep writing.
Cuckoo
u hav been extremely sweet in readin all my previous posts on my blog!!thnkx la!hav replied to the comments..
chees!
actually i dont know anyone who stayed frnds and still managed to move on... distressin statistic :(
but i guess i get ur point...
hmmm fair enough
"sometimes your ex can become your best friend forever"
does that really happen? i mean have u seen it?
i agree there are too many aspects besides the obvious but still i wanna find out...
thats alright i guess i knew i wudnt be gettin too many concrete answers... they are tricky questions
Right, it just is imperative that both of them want the same thing... I'm slowly catching up, will surely comment on ur poem when i get there.
Again "if they can" is the key here, strangely i don't know of anyone who has managed that hence the question on its possibility.
The second situation gets more complicated with time... i know!
Btw i like long comments :)
and i like hearing from u cuckoo :)
most welcome ... i am slowly catchin up :)
and i did go and chk ur replies... thanks!
but that more an exception though.. but still
hmmm good to know...
so obviously the reactions to em, should be different too. right?
but of course, in the long run, things just cease to matter, maybe someday, if there was a clean-cut before, meetin up, startin things afresh would do good. after all, tis one life, why go away with loose ends?!
whatever tis, clean cut or not, fair and just it should be, happiness bringing, to both. that's more important than anything else!
:)
ure right the situations are different thats why i specifically picked up two scenarios for u... but i like the possibility of starting afresh again sometime in life...brings hope ...:)
:):) @ "clean cut or not, fair and just it should be, happiness bringing, to both. that's more important than anything else!"
Thanks so much for going through the older posts.You are a real sweetie!Hugs :)
I read this post long back and always wanted to comment but work kept me busy !
Neways..I agree to a lot of things you've said in the comments... it depends a lot on the cause behind the freefall :(
and yes the hope of comin back to life again does matter...we are not talking about wrong choices are we... its just that things dint work out with the right person.. in this case its just a matter of seeing difficult times through...
a clean cut is not always a right choice...
btw great post...
hmm fair , but then again the manner in which u part ways is not always bitter na...
i buy ur opinion though...
Hugs to u too :)
Hello ji, long time... never mind im glad u came back to comment :)
absolutely i wasn't talkin abt the wrong choices coz then its not even debatable, u just tell urself that it wasnt/the person wasn't worth it.
and im so glad u don't subscribe to always following the clean cut ... :)
:) @ "great" post
i) extremely difficult coz if the other person has the feeling, then he/she may try again, and also its difficult to cope up then!! :)
ii) its difficult to be friends, coz then u keep reminding urself of the time u had, and unfortunately the worst part is to come out of the past!
iii) sayin being frnds then is simple, but being frnds truly then is difficult, coz if u will do something, u will think 100 times of a lot other issues which will creep up!!
2nd part...
difficult to answer,
i) sometimes u think imfatuation of love and start believing it!
ii) let it go, if u dont think its possible
iii) u have to trade off, between losing that frnd and tellin him/her everything.
iv) i only remember 1 thing, doing and failing is more important than not doing and thinking later that wat cud have happened!! :)
#1st part
i agree with quite a lot there so i guess ure also suggesting the no frnds policy...
valid points...
#2nd part
what if uve already told that frnd everything?...
"and i hope this for ur general curiosity!!"... well i can't quite confirm that :P
kidding!
on a serious note, its similar to the 1st situation just a lil vice-versa!! :)
and u cant quite confirm?? :O
exactly only god can save me...
:)