Twists of Fate

Yesterday i was cleanin up my room ... my bro's comin to india today.... yay i get to see him after almost 2 yrs... Vikram Bhaiya wanna see u soooon :), I was actually categorizing my sem notes and puttin em in place when i found an old diary entry... dated 25.11.05
{my diary is called Shiny....cmon it can have any name now don't laugh at me like that}
heres what it said

25/11/05 1:36am

Dear Shiny

I know I'm writing to you after a long long time but well something's bothering me and I need to let you know. I dunno why but lately I get this feeling that I'm not welcome in my college group of frndz. I might say that I may be thinking too much into it or just fretting over nothing but seriously I feel that I've distanced or I have been distanced from people, i thought were gonna be my closest frndz in college. Of course it hurts but I don't think I can share this with anyone but u coz I've only gone on to tell half the world that I've got this huge circle of frndz in college and now I can't explain to anybody what it is that I'm feeling.

Firstly I get to hear lots of stuff like "You don't know", "Its a long story", "We can't tell you" and frankly speaking it just kinda gives you the message that you're unwanted and unwelcome.

Secondly there are a lot of jokes abt me or of me and thats fine provided u know abt it and you get to laugh at it but the thing here is that I don't know or rather I'm never told abt half of it and half of it is not "funny".

And the worst part is that I'm dead sure that I can tell nobody about this coz it'll go down as another "ridiculous thing" I do. I cannot share my feelings (in general) my personal talks with them anymore coz nobody's interested in knowing. And everyday (almost) I get to hear a hint of something that everybody knows but I don't and also the fact that none of them even intended to tell me about it. I guess I'm not worthy of sharing with them, their lives or mine for that matter. I also feel that maybe the notion that I had abt myself that "I'm fun to be around with" and that "I'm good at making friends in a new place easily" is false and I possess neither of those qualities.

I can only feel the hint of that when I'm around my old frndz from school and college and Dinansha which I think is gonna happen seldom in the coming years so finally i've gotta live with not being in the centre of things, just being around for the heck of it.

I don' t think that I've ever experienced this before coz I was very much a part of all of my friends' lives in a major way before this.

Here toh I think that I'm on nobody's list of priorities, no matter whether they're on my priority list or not.

Sad as it may be I'll have to try and not let it get to me. I'll have to learn to live with people who are more than acquaintances to me but they aren't my "good friends". And obviously that I'll have to rely on somebody like you and of course Dinansha to understand me!

Gotta go to bed now; hope this made sense to you - I'm counting on you to atleast understand.

Bye!

2:03am

After I finished readin that ... I was kinda pushed to look back and think....

Post this entry of mine I was busy with my first end sem exams... and i used to be readin the posts on indya in b/w... had made up my mind to join it as soon as my exams ended.

The forum grew on me as it did on anyone else.... loved bein appreciated and valued as someone important.

The start of the next year was the best.... I met and befriended the best people online ...

The list begins with Krits and is followed by many more.

Krits and I have a completely different equation which i might not be able to describe right about now.... (due for later)

Abhi I'm reliving my bond with each of my fellow "Unbreakables". We're 7 of us constituting "The Unbreakables" : Me, Neers (Bonnie), Garu, Mads (Cheri), Tash, Tan and Pratham.

Tash :

Natashu as i called her then was the first one whom I had spoken to on phone...she being a fellow dilliwaali ;)

Shes this naughty, lively sweetie whose sense of humor i always used to admire and adore.... admittedly it does get to everyones nerves once in a while but that indeed is the fun part ...lolol

Coining the term "dodo" is credited to her ... something thats on the "FUW" {Frequently Used Words} list for all of us.

Bottomline: u cannot just cannot get bored or unhappy when Tash is around, and I love her for all that she's got.

Tan:

why next in queue....coz its logical progression after Tash... hehe

Shes another shaitaan...but nonetheless my sweet lil sis....i laugh at the innumerable times when i used to say "howdy lil sis" to tan and she wud go "who vands?" =))

Can liven up any convo, anyones mood and basically make u laugh so much that u'd beg for it to stop coz ur sides start to ache...:))

Immensely talented and spontaneous she's someone u can't help but notice. Love ya too dear.

Tan and Tash are like the deadly combo one shd watch out for.

Mads:

Cheri is what i call her and no its got nuthin to do with cherries incase ure wondering ;))

At the expense of being repetitive I have to say this girl is a total sweetheart....shes just too good to be true sometimes, once ure her frnd and she gives u that place in her heart theres absolutely no looking back.

Forever is not just a word when it comes to her....she lives it everyday.

Warm hearted...gooey to the core and incredibly carin, shes there by my side always....

Luv ya cheri >:d<>

Garu:

Oh lovely ... i sooo love her, her "how wonderful", her "how cute", her "how sweet", and not to forget her "how dumb!" :)

Garu and I relate to each other a lot and its great conversing with her about almost anything under the sun, though our topics are usually of a certain category ;) but its fun otherwise too. ;))

I genuinely love being happy for her and with her and its just basically sheer pleasure gettin to know this female and having her in my life.

Love u sweetie .... and this one is for a lifetime!

Neers:

My sweet Bonnie , thts the name i gave her and its the best shes ever got ... wow im so proud hehee

I just cannot do without her, shes like so much a part of my life that i always feel the need to tell her everything thats goin on with me all the time.... and blimey she has a lot of patience to sit and listen to me without pullin her hair out in frustration.

Ok Ok im not that bad... i listen to her too not because i have to but because i love to.

>:D<>

oh ya forgot to mention she's my ever dependable partner for our analytic discussions on life and stuff in it.....i loveeee it when we do that.

Pratham:

Honey, yup thats what I call him, the only guy if u noticed in the entire group hes the one who has to take it all from all of us.

I always have good things to say about him, but abhi buraai karne ka mann kar raha hai ... lolol

lets see... for one this guy is extremely forgetful, totally non courteous when it comes to sayin bye properly {ohho on chat i mean...rem the houdini :P}, very good at gettin away with almost anything.... meri problem hai i can't be mad at him...blimey ive tried, but in vain.

Oh ya and hes a hopeless case if u're dependin on him to talk.... u cant really get beyond "hmm" and "oh okies" and "lolzz" almost 80% of the times.

But all said n done....hes adorable, amazing and i love him for all the wrong reasons .... lol

More laters....

Gotta go bro comin today... mum shoutin now....