Resurfacing

This is the post I mentioned I was gonna write.
Where do I begin? I’ve had loads of bad days with a few good ones thrown in. I have never been this confused and frustrated and more so confused about the cause of my frustration.
That’s prolly why it’s taken me weeks to resurface after my exams.
May has been fairly eventful for loads of reasons, right after my last post I had our farewell contributory party, finally got a reason to get dressed and party :P. ‘Twas loads of fun and dance but we all knew that it’ll be a long time before we can have a reunion. Then on 8th we had the university final year CSE project competition. Redoin the presentation, preparing and all of that took time but it all paid off in the end and we secured the second position. I swear it felt really good especially since we weren’t expecting it. I just wanna say that C-14 comprising of Doli, Kartik, Rajat and Me has been the best team ever. I’ve loved working with you guys.
9th again all of us met up for Lov and Prateek’s pending birthday treat and we went to a special buffet at Geoffery’s :D. Really cool food followed by great desserts added flavor to our day :)
Rajat and I met up with Bubbles, Tanuj and Ash later in the day. I ended up having dinner at this really fancy expensive place called Smoke House Grill followed by dessert from Open Oven. Mmm.
10th was Mum and Dad’s wedding anniversary, and it rained that day… beautiful weather.11th I was out again to get my admit card, met Bubbles at Ambience Mall, saw Monsters vs Aliens and loved it. It was her birthday the next day and Zahid’s too.
I had my exams from the 15th to 22nd and it was Honey’s birthday on 15th. Thinking of a gift for him wasn’t easy. The procurement and transportation of the same required me to pull a lot of strings. I had decided to send him a shirt but I had absolutely no time to buy it, rather I couldn’t find anything that fit my pocket. Monday, the day of my first exam and his birthday was when I finally managed to somehow stall for time and buy, pack, courier his gift to him. It wasn’t simple and that is an understatement. I’ve never been that flustered in my life. You’d think his birthday would most definitely be a happy day for me, well it should’ve been but apart from the satisfaction I derived from havin sent his gift all I got was confusion and disappointment coz I couldn’t reach him the entire day and when he eventually picked up the phone at half past midnight I just heard him say “Vands abhi dimaag kharaab hai, baad mein baat karenge” before he hung up on me.
Obviously I wondered about what could have gone wrong that he was so upset on his own birthday but I didn’t get any answers coz he was unavailable for the next 4-5 days.
Days which made me go crazy thinking all sorts of things; I even had nightmares and couldn’t sleep properly. I dreamt of my paper being marked badly, the gift getting lost on the way and never reaching him or worse, him not liking what I had sent. Tired insomnia gave way to scribbling…

17th May 09
3:46am

I lose again.
Theres a dull thud
in my heart where
the ball of hope fell.
Another fight for my
peace of mind
gone unwon.
Another sleep evading
night awaits me.
Heavy eyelids
droop in surrender.
The wait seems never to end
and I stand alone, again.
Slowly I lose
everything I had
put at stake.
This sucks, you win again.
3:55am

18th I had my second exam, which went well. Then on 21st I had another which was a total disaster and managed to piss me off big time. 21st night was no less than a mental battle for me; I had two exams on 22nd and no time to prepare for both. I kept hopin I’d be able to divide my time till the last minute. I just can say that I was as confused as I could ever be.
It rained during my exam and at one point in time I actually wanted to dump the paper and run out in the rains. After the paper we were all bidding goodbye to each other and to engineering as a whole but frankly I just didn’t feel like it was comin out of me. It just was a not so happy day even though my exams got over and I ended up crying.
The only thing I remember from 23rd is crying some more, something or the other wud just lead me to it.
The rest of the days just passed in a haze, I just met friends, read books, watched movies and killed time. Oh and I also got my ears pierced for another hole, something I wanted to get done for a long time. Yay!

Comin back to the present, the update is that I’m flying to Houston on Tuesday i.e. 23rd June early in the morning and I’ll be landing back in India on the 20th of July. I’m goin to visit my bro and hopefully enjoy my long impending vacation.
Also, things aren’t so bright on the job front, Wipro still hasn’t told us about our joining and it’s a long uncertain wait. Any kinda help or suggestions are most welcome.

PS: Belated wishes to all the May babies: Bubbles, Zahid, Pratham, Ankur, Rohit aka Nemesis and the June babies: Pri and Neha aka Sinner
Love u all.