Complexities Vs Simplicities ... of the mind!

15th Feb 2007 3:43pm to 3:47pm Flowers wilt Fragrances fade Colours pale Smiles dissolve Dreams disappear Hopes subside Thoughts haze Mist clears What remains is ... Me sans everything sans you !

To my sunshine, my air {you know who you are} Why is it such a hard hitting (hurting) fact that I need you? Pata hai aaj winter ki baarish hui, besides the temperature dropping and me initially enjoying the pitter patter of the rain, grooving to “mausam” and “maula mere”…… as the rain poured harder it grew darker and the ‘dull and depressing’ factor in the air was on a steady rise. And that’s when I realized why I wasn’t my chirpy self [me being a total rain lover … winter/summer], it was because of you! I miss you, I miss my sunshine, I miss my breeze, I miss my air! Thursday was when I went to coll last and I dunno why I was irked all the way back home …… something like “main pareshan hoon but dunno whats bothering me?” You have been away for quite some time now and you’ve missed being the first {ok not necessarily but atleast I tell you most enthusiastically :P } and also sometimes the only one to know a few things here and there... • My plans of my secret outing… • My irritation wh...

I wanna just voice today all the questions that keep gettin back at me every now and then. My life is sweet, but why for mere moments? why do the questions never cease? why is there always a "what if" and "when"? when they say "you dont get what you don't deserve", does that mean only few ppl 'deserve' happiness and others don't?? why is my future so uncertain, that i can never respond to a "what are u gonna do?" with conviction? srsly what am i gonna do...

Yesterday i was cleanin up my room ... my bro's comin to india today.... yay i get to see him after almost 2 yrs... Vikram Bhaiya wanna see u soooon :), I was actually categorizing my sem notes and puttin em in place when i found an old diary entry... dated 25.11.05 {my diary is called Shiny....cmon it can have any name now don't laugh at me like that} heres what it said 25/11/05 1:36am Dear Shiny I know I'm writing to you after a long long time but well something's bothering me and I need to let you know. I dunno why but lately I get this feeling that I'm not welcome in my college group of frndz. I might say that I may be thinking too much into it or just fretting over nothing but seriously I feel that I've distanced or I have been distanced from people, i thought were gonna be my closest frndz in college. Of course it hurts but I don't think I can share this with anyone but u coz I've only gone on to tell half the world that I've got this huge circ...

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Hmmm a long time since I last wrote and this post is goin out from the middle of my CG lecture - "Computer Graphics". 'Self Pity!', why u may ask ...... well fairly simple, apparently the lady at the head of the class with a book in one hand and a chalk in another is lookin at us as if we're completely dumb and shes the only one who knows what shes talking about. But the truth ... I have Su [Priyansu a good frnd of mine from coll] on my right and Rajat [another one of my good coll frnds] on my left both bursting out into fits of giggles at regular intervals of time while i'm silently grimacing in self pity [u know self inflicted misery coz of course it was my choice to attend the lecture in the first place ;) ] "Why the hell do they let such ppl loose?" She's on a staring spree at the moment and it kinda reminds me of the familiar bolly style "main kahaan hoon?" ;)) Poor Tushar, just in front of me had just crossed the threshold into sw...

Ok here are some of the questions that I asked myself when I sat down to think, actually this has to be triggered by something ... an event, a book, a conversation, a sight, a memory, a dream...whatever! coz I'm not the ones who would purposely complicate things when life's supposed to be fairly simple. I dunno what triggered it this time but what I'm thinking about and trying to answer are questions like ... Am I in the wrong? I know what I should be doin, but am I doin it? Am I not wasting away precious time, time that may prove to be decisive later on? What is my life, rather where is it heading? What if i reach nowhere? Can I make it on my own? Am I happy? What makes me happy? Who do I rely on? Am I goin to get what I dream about? Do I deserve it? Am I good enough? What do i want most from myself? I know its vague to leave it at that but then as I try to answer my questions, I also question myself for asking in the first place. As I hear the clock ticking in the cold si...