Muddled

I dunno what world I’ve been in… but I’ve definitely been away from my world.
And all this while I’ve gone through a strange range of emotions and feelings. Today was just another one of those days where I was more confused than anything else and well there are just so many reasons that I cud only hope to make sense after I’ve listed em…

• I’ve been experiencing what I like to call “Global Entity Crisis”. This cud very well make up a whole post as I had planned on earlier but nevertheless I’ll tell u what it is… U see my life has gone through a whole lotta behavioral changes ever since I got to college…I used to be this “happy in my own world” girl with a close peer group (mostly well okay entirely girls) and I depended on quite a lot. I did feel the lack of male bonding if I may call it that in my life but never really regretted it or anything. Ever since my school days I’ve been an easy person to be with, it’s very easy for a new person to gel with me and therefore I’ve always had a lot of friends. After my first sem in college, my notions about myself had become very shaky and that is when I made good frnds (guys now) who told what to care about and what to ignore. Now me being in an engineering college and me being well … me… happened to befriend quite a few guys… That’s not exactly what led to this ‘crisis’ but it has its own pros and cons. For one my mum doesn’t understand why I don’t really have a close ‘gal pal’ and why everytime I mention someone from my frnd circle to her…it more often than not ends up being a guy. Throw in a couple of guys I haven’t even met in real life and then u have what I have... a non-comprehending, anticipating, assuming and frantic mother! :P The GEC comes with less major cons like sticky situations where I have to be a tad bit manipulative … oh how I hate that! Not to forget it does have its own pros… I’m pampered, looked out for, treated for no reason, given importance and complimented almost everyday !!! hehe those are the days when life’s really good :)
• Besides the GEC, my bro’s marriage and my meeting with my frnds from all over the map is comin way too close…so I’m getting all sortsa weird thoughts, jitters in the stomach, dreamy nights, restlessness and excitement which keeps me occupied.
• Oh did I mention I’m feelin pretty guilty too…okay atleast a lil bit, I’m finally not goin to Pilani...something that I’ve been eating Bonnie’s head abt for agesss and I can’t go coz I had to make the very sad decision of choosing one of my family (mum n her emotional blackmail) and my dear friends who so badly wanted to take me there. Sorry Guys …this just can’t be helped.
• Lastly my halo has got so many different colored TDL post-its stuck on it that the gold of it aint even visible. Basically that means that I have loads of different kinda things to do and I can’t even begin to strike em off.

Can’t even string enough coherent sentences for another bullet…so I’ll just call it a day.
Hoping to come back soon with a more sensible post.
Till then … love me :D